Have you found yourself constantly trying to please others?
Trying to put their needs and desires before your own?
Are you saying Yes when your insides are screaming a NO?
It can be exhausting and a never-ending cycle trying to keep everyone happy while neglecting your own well-being and feelings.
If you have experienced this, you are not alone. I spent a good deal of my adult life doing exactly this. Although I have gained awareness and tools over the years, I must admit there are still, times when I find myself in the grip of people-pleasing tendencies.
Let’s unpack this a bit deeper in this post.
💫Why do we do it in the first place?
People pleasing often comes from a desire for acceptance and avoiding conflict. It can stem from various underlying factors, including low self-esteem, fear of rejection or a desire for external validation.
We live in a world that often rewards conformity and prioritizes the happiness of others over our own.
While this may seem like a positive trait, in reality this is not a sustainable path.
It has profound impact on our emotional well-being and interpersonal relationships.
💫How does it impact life?
🌀Loss of self-worth: Constantly seeking external validation can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth. Relying on others’ opinions with time can contribute to feelings of anxiety, stress and even resentment.
🌀Burnout and Stress: Constantly catering to other’s expectations without considering personal boundaries can result in chronic stress and burnout. Overextending to please others at the expense of self-care is a sure shot way to deplete physical and emotional energy.
🌀Disconnected from authenticity: By consistently putting other’s needs before our own, we risk losing touch with our own desires, passions and values. This can result in lack of personal fulfilment and a sense of living someone else’s life other than our own.
🌀Unhealthy relationships: People pleasing often creates an imbalance in relationships as personal boundaries become blurred. This imbalance can lead to feelings of resentment, unmet expectations and an inability to assert one’s needs.
Let’s shift perspective here…Embracing our true selves, even if it means disappointing others is a courageous act.
Here are some ways to create a shift:
💫From people pleasing to honoring Self
🌀Self-reflection: Why do you do what you do? Start by gaining awareness of your own people-pleasing tendencies. Reflect on the reasons behind your behavior, the emotions it elicits, and the impact it has on your life.
🌀Establishing clear boundaries
Boundaries need not become brick walls or rigid lines; they are a way to take care of ourselves. Maintaining a healthy boundary between your own needs and the expectations of others requires establishing boundaries.
It is perfectly acceptable to say No when necessary and prioritize your well-being. Setting boundaries allows you to honor your own limitations while still maintaining healthy relationships and commitments.
🌀Cultivating Self-worth
Recognize what lights you up and engage in activities that bring you joy. Acknowledging your own strengths and achievements helps to build self-esteem from within rather than seeking it from the outside.
🌀Practicing assertiveness
It is vital to build skills that help you express your thoughts, opinions, and preferences respectfully and confidently. Learning to say “no” when necessary and negotiating compromises will help restore balance in relationships.
Assertiveness also allows for open communication and helps to build genuine connections.
🌀Seeking Support – If you’ve tried to stop people pleasing but it’s just too hard, consider seeking professional support from therapists, counselors or coaches. This can be incredibly helpful in having the tools you need to overcome the temptation to constantly please others.
Embrace Authenticity and Empowerment – Breaking free from the people-pleasing cycle can be challenging, but it opens the door to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Understand that your worth as an individual does not depend on how much you cater to the expectations and desires of others.
Your intrinsic value lies within you, regardless of external validation.
This pursuit of universal approval is an unattainable goal, might as well drop it now!
Remember, this is a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
Embracing your authenticity and establishing healthy boundaries will require time, patience and effort.
However, every baby step you take towards honoring your true self will help you reclaim your power and open you up to a more fulfilling and balanced life.
